Hatchet

I'm finally getting 'round to reviewing Hatchet after seeing it over a year ago. Hatchet is similar to Friday the 13th, but more amusing. If you watch the trailer, it gives you a bit of backstory as to what the film is about. Anyway, I found Hatchet to be highly entertaining. It's insanely cliche and that's what makes it so fun to watch. It's basically about a group of tourists at Mardi Gras who decide to take a swamp tour. Of course something happens and they get stranded in the woods in the bayou. And what a surprise, there happens to be a psycho killer on the loose. You have your stereotyped kids, too. The black guy, the perverted adult, the slutty girls, the nerdy kid, and Asian guy, and the old couple. I think that's all of them. Each one of them gets killed in a fun and bloody way and that makes it so much more enjoyable. Robert Englund also has a bit part at the beginning. Overall, Hatchet, with its cliches, is a cheesy romp through the horror genre. I give it 4.5/5 stars. I also made a fan video to go with the movie. Here it is:



Happy Nightmares, my loves.

The Haunting in Connecticut

Ok, so I'm finally getting back to my reviews after a bit of a hiatus. Anyway, I recently saw The Haunting in Connecticut and I was pretty hopeful after hearing decent things about it. Plus, I love things based on actual events. I do have to say that the movie was pretty good overall, but the ending disappointed me. I hate when horror films have 'happy' endings, if you wanna call it that. Other than that, the film did have its moments where I was a bit frightened. However, it didn't make me jump or feel any sort of nervousness towards what was about to happen. There were some silly moments, in my opinion, and they probably could've been left out. The acting was ok, but Virginia Madsen's character was really the only one I connected with. I'd say give this one a shot, but I wouldn't spend my money to own it. I give it 3/5 stars.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

The Burrowers

The Burrowers is, as far as I can tell, the first of its kinda: a horror/Western film that's definitely unique, but not quite my cup of tea. It's about a ranch hand who is courting a woman, but when she and her family go missing, he seeks help to find them. He believes they've been taken by Indians, but that's obviously not what happened. The movie isn't bad, but it isn't really quite good, either. It's a bit slow for maybe the first 30 minutes or so and then it starts to pick up a bit. There is one scene that takes place in the woods that you don't really expect, and when it happens, it leaves you feeling a sense of dread as to what's to come. My jaw actually dropped and I was like, "Holy shit, I can't believe that happened." Probably the best scene of the film. The monsters are also quite unique and not like anything else I've ever seen in a horror film. They almost resemble giant grasshoppers mutated with humans mutated with naked mole rats. Yeah, I like that description. That's how I thought of them. The ending was pretty decent, but I think overall, the movie was too much Western and not enough horror for me. Clancy Brown and Doug Hutchison do make it worthwhile, though. They both played nasty ass prison guards in two different Stephen King films, and putting them together in another horror film made me very happy. If you didn't know, Clancy was in The Shawshank Redemption(fucking awesome film) and Doug was in The Green Mile(also a fucking awesome film). The cast of The Burrowers also includes Sean Patrick Thomas(Save the Last Dance), William Mapother(Lost; best fucking show on TV), and Karl Geary(Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story). Overall, the movie does have its moments, but if you're looking for gore or some really scary suspenseful horror, you won't find much of that in The Burrowers. I'd give this one a 3/5. If you can watch it online, do so and save your money until you form your own opinion.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Quick Update

Sorry I haven't been posting. I had to move and it's been quite hectic. Just got the internet turned back on today, so I will start posting again tomorrow. I have a few more movies to update and I can't wait to post them. :)

Red

Red is another one of Jack Ketchum's novels that got turned into a film. And what a film it was. I read the novel first, so I knew what to expect. However, the film made me feel emotions the book couldn't, and that's what made the film so much the better. Red is about an old man and his dog. Simple enough, right? Well, not quite. Brian Cox plays Avery, the old man. One day, Avery is out fishing with his dog and these three teenage boys come along with a shotgun and begin chatting with Avery. One of them decides to try and rob him, but when he offers them his truck and wallet with $20-$30, the boy gets mad and shoots Avery's dog. Avery goes to the boy's father, who believes his son over the old man, which, in turn, pisses the old man off. Unable to take legal action against the boys, he decides to get his own revenge. I enjoyed every second of this film. It's simple, yet satisfying. A truely awesome story of revenge. Robert Englund also has a bit part in this, and he's an asshole, too. Watching this film, I felt happiness, sadness, anger, and a few other emotions. A really well-done film. Would recommend this one to all fans of horror.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door can be described as a very bad car accident: you want to look away, but you just can't seem to keep your eyes off of it. Unrelenting, horrific, violent, disturbing, brutal, upsetting, heartbreaking, and intriguing are just some of the adjectives I can use to describe this film. It's based on Jack's novel by the same name. It's also based loosely on the story of the Sylvia Likens; a kind of fictionalized version of it(for the real events, watch An American Crime). The Girl Next Door is about a young girl named Meg who has a crippled sister named Jenny. Their parents die and they're shipped off to live with "Aunt" Ruth. The boy who lives next door is friends with Ruth's three sons. At first, everything seems perfect and everyone gets along. However, Ruth decides she needs to teach Meg a lesson on how it is to be a woman in the 1960's. She tells Meg that she's a slut and a whore and is only good for one thing. When Meg attempts to rebel against her "lesson," the abuse begins. As the movie progresses, the abuse becomes full-blown torture and even the neighborhood children get involved. Some of the scenes depicted are awful and hard to watch, but like I said before, you can't turn away. This movie horrified and fascinated me at the same time and I almost felt dirty and ashamed for liking it. The ending, of course, made me bawl, and the police officer(s) pissed me off so bad that I wanted them to suffer along with Ruth and her asshole children. If you have a weak constituton or can't handle watching fictionalized child abuse, I'd advise you not to watch this. Just typing this now and thinking about the movie makes me want to cry again, that's how heartbreaking it was. It did leave a lasting impression, though, and is probably one of Jack's best films/novels to date(besides Red, of course). See this one if you think you can handle it. Acting is superb, direction is superb, and writing is superb. You have been warned.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever is, as far as I can tell, Eli Roth's first film. This film is what put him on the horror movie map. I absolutely LOVED this film. It's so sick and disgusting and disturbing and creepy all at the same time. Cabin Fever is about some kids going off for a vacation in the woods. They stay at this cabin in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees. There's some drug usage, some sex, typical stuff like that. However, when a sick old man shows up and begins coughing blood, they start to panic. They don't even bother to try and help him or find out how what he has and if it's contagious. Once he's "gone," the kids seem to relax again. But they're troubles are only beginning. One by one, they start to get infected, red patches showing up on their skin. Once this movie gets going, it doesn't let up, even at the end. There are quite a few cringe-worthy moments, especially the bathtub scene. That freaks me out every time. And the scene with the dog near the end is pretty nifty, too. Anyway, if you like sick, gory horror, give this movie a go. I enjoyed it and I'd give it 5 out of 5. Definitely a must-see movie for gore hounds.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Secret Window

"The only thing that matters is the ending."
That phrase is used quite a bit in Secret Window, and let me tell you, it's so true. Now, if you don't already know, Secret Window is based on a novella by Stephen King called Secret Window, Secret Garden. I read the novella before the film came out, and strangely, I was disappointed with the ending. After seeing the film version, I can actually admit to enjoying the movie more than the book. The ending of the film version is a thousand times better than the book's ending. As a rabid, yes I said rabid, fan of Johnny Depp, I was thrilled to see him doing a Stephen King film. Anyway, Secret Window is about a man who discovers his wife is cheating on him and they get divorced. He moves to his cabin on the lake in the middle of the woods to try and start writing again. One day, a man shows up on his doorstep and accuses him of stealing his story. All hell breaks loose as Mort(Johnny's character) tries to figure out who this other man is and why he's accusing him of plagarizing a story. When the truth comes out, it will shock you. I enjoyed this movie immensely and as I stated before, then ending was truly the best part. Much better than the book. If you haven't seen it or read it, you really do need to. I give this one a 5 out of 5. Definitely a must see.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Help me win tickets to New Moon

http://apps.facebook.com/twilightcontest/?refuid=1249514055

Click that link and help me win! You'll be forever awesome to me if you do.

New Horror Site

I recently became friends with a lovely person/group of people/website on Myspace known as When The Freaks Come Out. It's a page dedicated to all things horror, weird, morbid, abnormal, etc. I just wanted to give them a shout out and say I can't wait to see your completed site. If anyone wants to take a peek, check out the When The Freaks Come Out website. Just click those words and you'll be taken to a realm of awesomeness. Enjoy!

The Ruins

The Ruins is a horror film based on the Scott Smith novel. Scott also penned the screenplay to this movie. However, as most people know, the book was better than the film. I'm not saying I didn't like it, because I absolutely loved this movie. Joe Anderson is a personal favorite of mine and watching him as Mathias was great. The film starts with 2 guys and 2 girls vacationing in Mexico. When a German tourist shows up and asks them if they'd like to go to some ruins with him to help find his brother, they agree. They also bring along a Greek tourist. After getting a ride to the jungle and trekking through the trees and bugs, they arrive at the ruins. One of the girls, Amy, begins taking pictures, but stops when horse hooves are heard coming towards them. A bunch of Mayans begin gesturing and yelling at them, and when the Greek tries to move towards them, he's killed. The other five rush up to the top of the ruins, where they end up being quarantined by the Mayans. One by one, each tourist is picked off, slowly, of course, by something sinister. If you haven't seen this, I won't say what it is. Personally, I found the concept quite refreshing compared to all those dumb teens lost in the woods with a serial killer films. It wasn't as good as the book, but Scott did the best with what he had, and I thought it turned out wonderful. Give this one a go.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

My Bloody Valentine 3D is just one of those movies you can't help but love. Yes, it is a remake, and yes, I enjoyed it better than the original. It was filmed near my original hometown, which is completely awesome, and it just keeps the thrills coming the entire film. The ending, of course, is the best. MBV is about this guy who now owns the mines his father used to own 10 years prior. There was a massacre there by a miner on Valentine's Day, hence the title. The guy returns to town 10 years after the massacre and wants to sell the mines, causing a lot of anger with the townsfolk. When people start dying, though, they blame him. Then you've got the sheriff, who is also a bit of a suspicious character and is cheating on his wife. Overall, the movie will keep you on the edge until the very end, and once you discover the truth about what's really going on, you'll be pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed this and would recommend it to everyone.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

The Uninvited

The Uninvited is based on a Korean horror film called A Tale of Two Sisters. The American version, however, is actually quite good, unlike most Asian remakes. It starts out with the main girl being released from a mental hospital after her mother died. She arrives home to find her mother's nurse is now involved with her father and her sister isn't too happy about that. The girls slowly get involved in the mystery of how their mother actually died and start to delve into the nurse's past. What they discover isn't very promising and they begin to try and get rid of her. Their father, of course, doesn't believe them, and when they take matters into their own hands, bad things start to happen. Then ending has an amazing twist and you won't see it coming. Fantastic movie. Would definitely recommend to everyone.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Martyrs

Martyrs is a French horror film that can be described in two words: Sick/disturbing. I normally like French horror because it's more deranged than American horror and can get away with so much more. Plus, the blood and gore factors are much higher. Martyrs, however, went above and beyond anything I've ever seen, and it disturbed me more than Hostel and Saw combined. At first I was utterly confused by this movie, but as it progressed, more and more got explained and had a much more horrifying concept behind it. This movie involves brutal abuse against young women and the ending is so outrageously wrong; I almost couldn't handle this film. Two friends go on a mission to exact revenge against the people who abused one of them as a child. What happens after can't even be imagined by even the sickest of minds. I was blown away by how amazingly well written, directed, and acted this was. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the why of what was going on. It just awed me in every way possible. If you like films that make you think and don't mind the fact that it's French, see it and see for yourself just how insane this film really is.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Autopsy

Ok, so Autopsy is the 5th ADHF film I've seen and all I can say is GOREFEST! This movie has blood and guts and gore from pretty much the very beginning. Not much of a plot, but it's a fun romp through the magical land of sick and twisted horror. Starts with a car crash and an ambulance showing up out of nowhere. Crash victims get taken to a hospital in the middle of nowhere and wait to get "treated." After that, it's all downhill for them. I personally thought this movie was cheesy and the premise behind the plot is a bit strange, but it works. Not one of the best ADHF films this year, but I enjoyed it. If you're a gorehound like me, check this one out.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Shuttle

Shuttle was one of those movies I read about in Fangoria and felt intrigued by. I rented it for free at Blockbuster and finally got around to watching it. Let me tell you, this movie is crazy! It has so many HOLY SHIT moments and that's what makes it great. Plot twists abound in this movie and it's one of the better independent horror films. It's also close to 2 hours long. There are some things left unanswered/unexplained in the movie, but that made it all the more interesting. Lets you make your own conclusions. Basically, the plot is 2 girls and 2 guys come back from vacation and end up on the same shuttle at the airport. It's late at night and the driver only wants the 2 girls to ride. He claims there's a 3 person maximum and there is already one man aboard. However, the girls convince him to let the guys come along and they ask to be taken to downtown so they can go home. Well, as you can probably imagine, the driver is insane and doesn't take them downtown. What happens after they get on that shuttle is pure insanity and I loved every second of it. This film is one of those edge-of-your-seat thrillers with some blood and death thrown in for good measure. Rent this one. You won't be disappointed.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Dying Breed

Dying Breed was actually the second ADHF III film I saw, but didn't get around to reviewing it until now. It's one of those films that seems so utterly cliche that you can't help but love it. And if you haven't already figured it out from the picture, this is a cannibal movie. So anyway, Dying Breed is about some friends who go to the jungles of Australia in search of a supposedly extinct tiger; the Tasmanian Tiger to be exact. Once they arrive, they stumble into a small town with hillbilly-ish residents who seem semi nice, even though they are strange. Once the friends get their lodgings and get settled in, it's off into the jungle to search for the tiger. What they find instead is a clan of cannibals who are looking for women to take and continue their lineage with. Um, eww? They're violent and won't hesitate to kill and eat anyone that tries to stop their pursuit. Very graphic and bloody, but a bit slow in places. I did enjoy this movie, but I was left feeling like there could've been a bit more. I give it 4/5 stars. If you like cannibal movies, give this one a go.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Perkins' 14

Perkins' 14 was one of my most anticipated ADHF films for this year. It started out as an idea pitched to the Massify.com website that was hosting a contest for the first ever fan-made After Dark film. When Perkins' 14 made it to the top, I was thrilled. It was the idea I was most looking forward to seeing turned into a film. When it finally came out on DVD, I rented it as soon as Blockbuster opened. I watched it by myself that night in the dark, and afterwards, I felt paranoid and creeped out; sort of like a panic attack waiting to happen. This film is about a man named Robert Perkins who watches his parents die at the hands of a muderer when he was only six or so. To get his revenge, he kidnaps 14 young children and keeps them hostage for years. He brainwashes them into believing that his parent's killer will one day return for him and these children must "kill for Perkins." Perkins is caught later on at a crime scene and taken into custody. The head cop, who's son was taken, realizes who Perkins is and sends another cop out to his house to investigate. Once the cop steps into the basement, all hell breaks lose. Perkins' 14 may seem like a zombie movie, but it's a thousand times better. Zombie movies are all cliche. These kids are not dead, but they've been drugged and brainwashed, so they act like zombies. Amazing suspense, blood, gore, etc. I loved every second of this film. Definitely one of the better ADHF films of this year. See this movie! You won't be disappointed.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

From Within

From Within is one of the 8 Films to Die For/After Dark Horrorfest films. It's the fourth one I've seen, and in my opinion, one of the best. It's not scary or gory, but it has a psychological suspense to it, kinda like Penny Dreadful did in the first set of ADHF films. From Within is about a small town that's insanely religious. However, when people start dying by their own hand, the townsfolk start to get antsy. They blame Aidan, a local boy whose mother was killed by the town because they believed she was a witch. The pastor's son attacks Aidan, and when the son's girlfriend intervenes and begins helping Aidan, everyone claims she's been taken by the devil. The pastor and his son take her and try to expel the "demons" that have invaded her. Obviously it doesn't work because she's not possessed. The rest of the movie just builds up until the last 20 minutes or so when everything comes to a head. The climax is very rewarding and the ending is quite good. I was quite pleased with this movie and I'd recommend it to everyone. 5/5 stars.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Splinter

Mmkay, so after reading an article about this in Fangoria, although I cannot find it now, I was excited to see this movie. I didn't know it had been on Sci-Fi Channel on Valentine's Day, so I missed the TV premiere. It did just come out to DVD this month, so I rented it. Now I don't know if it was because I was tired or if the movie just sucked overall, but I did NOT like this movie one bit. The little cheers on the front of the DVD about this being the best and awesome...those are lies, at least in my opinion. The movie started off in an ok fashion, then got kinda lame. When the one couple is kidnapped/carjacked by the other couple and they hit something in the road, you think, ok, good stuff. However, the rest of the movie is so...I don't even know what word I wanna use here...maybe plotless? Stupid? Poorly done? Anyway, the actors attempt to pull off some actual acting, but they're so lifeless and the lines are so cheesy in most scenes that I couldn't even handle watching some of it. The one actor looks like a wannabe Screech(Dustin Diamond) and he's a total nerd with the worst dialogue ever. Ugh. And when they're hiding in the freezer and the "bad" guy is infected, they cut off his arm, yet you don't even see a stump and there's hardly any blood. Overall, this movie could've been a thousand times better if given the proper people to handle it. I was highly disappointed with this one. If you get the chance to see this on TV or watch it online free, do it. Save yourself the money.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Laid to Rest

I just saw Laid to Rest last night and it was amazing! Fascinating kills and lots of blood and gore. Definitely my kind of movie. Laid to Rest is about a young woman who wakes up in a coffin and has no idea who she is, where she is, how she got there, etc. She's locked in the funeral home, but when the owner of the home tries to save her, he's murdered. The rest of the movie is basically "Princess," as she's so aptly named by the man trying to help her, trying to escape from the crazy killer that's stalking her, aptly named Chrome Skull. It's a wild ride, and although it's only 90 minutes long, it never stops or lets you feel a moment of relief. The last 10 minutes are probably my favorite part. I can't really say too much more without giving the whole movie away, so if you're liking what you're reading so far, go rent this movie! It's fantastic!

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Nightmares

Nightmares is a collection of 4 short horror films, all meant to terrify you. However, Nightmares is from the 1980's and is actually kind of cheesy/corny nowadays. I first saw this movie on tv when I was about 6 or 7. I don't remember the first film at all, but I do remember the other three. Chapter 1 is called Terror in Topanga, in which a woman feels the need to go out late at night just for cigarettes and ends up getting more than she bargained for. Chapter 2 is called Bishop of Battle and stars a young Emilio Estevez. It's about a teenager(Estevez) who is obsessed with the arcade game, Bishop of Battle. So obsessed, that he sneaks out of his house late one night and breaks into the arcade just to play. The ending bothered me as a kid and I had nightmares about it afterwards. Chapter 3 is called The Benediction and stars Lance Henriksen as a priest who has lost his faith. That is, until he starts being followed by a truck with tinted windows. The driver is pretty obvious once you see what's hanging from the rearview mirror, but it's still pretty decent. Chapter 4 is called Night of the Rat. This movie scared me so bad as a kid that I slept in my sister's room for a week. After watching it again now, though, it's a bit lame, but still scares me. It's about a family who hears something moving through their walls. After trapping and killing the baby rat, the family thinks everything is a-ok. WRONG! Mama rat is not happy and is out for revenge. All in all, for a movie from the 80's, it's not really that bad, but it's not really that scary, either. Special effects are kinda lame, but if you like cheesy 80's horror films, give this a whirl. Copies are insanely difficult to find, though, so I wish you luck in trying to find it. My score is 2.75/5.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Slaughter/After Dark Horrorfest

So Slaughter is actually the third ADHF film I've seen so far(the other two are Dying Breed and Perkins' 14). I have to say that the movie is 95 minutes long and about 45 minutes kinda drag on and are a bit slow, although they do build up the suspense and make you anticipate the "horror" the film is promising. Now if you're a gore hound like I tend to be, you will probably be disappointed in the film. Slaughter has very little blood, but what it lacks in gore, it makes up for in squeamish, cringe-worthy moments. The last 45 minutes or so are pretty decent. You've got two girls who look alike. Ones a city girl and ones a farm girl. Both girls also have unhappy pasts they're trying to forget. However, one girl's past is another girl's horror, as you get to see near the end. Piercing someone's skin with a giant needle? Check! Pliers, novacaine, and teeth? Check! Getting revenge on the person that caused your horrible past? Check! Now I don't think I gave too much away, so if you're liking what you're reading so far and you want to know more, I suggest renting yourself this little old film. Motive behind everything is fascinating and the ending is pretty decent in the way it sort of just...well, you'll have to see it and judge for yourself. All in all, Slaughter gets 3 1/2 stars out of 5 in my book. This year's ADHF is shaping up to be decent for once, and that makes me nothing short of happy.

Happy nightmares, my loves.

First Blog/Getting To Know You

M'kay, so here's the deal. This blog is gonna be dedicated to my love of horror films. I live and breathe horror, seeing as that's what I grew up on, hence my fascination with officially blogging about them. Now I suppose I should tell you a bit about myself before we begin. Here goes...

My name's Jasmine, but I go by Jazz.
I'm 24 and a stay at home mom.
I've lived in Pennsylvania my whole life, and I hate it here.
Horror movies are my best friends(not really, but if inanimate objects were cool enough to be friends, then yeah, the movies would be).
I also enjoy rock music and reading horror books.

Ok, so that's all you really need to know, so let's move on to the good stuff: horror film reviews.
See next blog for my first review.