Hatchet

I'm finally getting 'round to reviewing Hatchet after seeing it over a year ago. Hatchet is similar to Friday the 13th, but more amusing. If you watch the trailer, it gives you a bit of backstory as to what the film is about. Anyway, I found Hatchet to be highly entertaining. It's insanely cliche and that's what makes it so fun to watch. It's basically about a group of tourists at Mardi Gras who decide to take a swamp tour. Of course something happens and they get stranded in the woods in the bayou. And what a surprise, there happens to be a psycho killer on the loose. You have your stereotyped kids, too. The black guy, the perverted adult, the slutty girls, the nerdy kid, and Asian guy, and the old couple. I think that's all of them. Each one of them gets killed in a fun and bloody way and that makes it so much more enjoyable. Robert Englund also has a bit part at the beginning. Overall, Hatchet, with its cliches, is a cheesy romp through the horror genre. I give it 4.5/5 stars. I also made a fan video to go with the movie. Here it is:



Happy Nightmares, my loves.

The Haunting in Connecticut

Ok, so I'm finally getting back to my reviews after a bit of a hiatus. Anyway, I recently saw The Haunting in Connecticut and I was pretty hopeful after hearing decent things about it. Plus, I love things based on actual events. I do have to say that the movie was pretty good overall, but the ending disappointed me. I hate when horror films have 'happy' endings, if you wanna call it that. Other than that, the film did have its moments where I was a bit frightened. However, it didn't make me jump or feel any sort of nervousness towards what was about to happen. There were some silly moments, in my opinion, and they probably could've been left out. The acting was ok, but Virginia Madsen's character was really the only one I connected with. I'd say give this one a shot, but I wouldn't spend my money to own it. I give it 3/5 stars.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

The Burrowers

The Burrowers is, as far as I can tell, the first of its kinda: a horror/Western film that's definitely unique, but not quite my cup of tea. It's about a ranch hand who is courting a woman, but when she and her family go missing, he seeks help to find them. He believes they've been taken by Indians, but that's obviously not what happened. The movie isn't bad, but it isn't really quite good, either. It's a bit slow for maybe the first 30 minutes or so and then it starts to pick up a bit. There is one scene that takes place in the woods that you don't really expect, and when it happens, it leaves you feeling a sense of dread as to what's to come. My jaw actually dropped and I was like, "Holy shit, I can't believe that happened." Probably the best scene of the film. The monsters are also quite unique and not like anything else I've ever seen in a horror film. They almost resemble giant grasshoppers mutated with humans mutated with naked mole rats. Yeah, I like that description. That's how I thought of them. The ending was pretty decent, but I think overall, the movie was too much Western and not enough horror for me. Clancy Brown and Doug Hutchison do make it worthwhile, though. They both played nasty ass prison guards in two different Stephen King films, and putting them together in another horror film made me very happy. If you didn't know, Clancy was in The Shawshank Redemption(fucking awesome film) and Doug was in The Green Mile(also a fucking awesome film). The cast of The Burrowers also includes Sean Patrick Thomas(Save the Last Dance), William Mapother(Lost; best fucking show on TV), and Karl Geary(Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story). Overall, the movie does have its moments, but if you're looking for gore or some really scary suspenseful horror, you won't find much of that in The Burrowers. I'd give this one a 3/5. If you can watch it online, do so and save your money until you form your own opinion.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Quick Update

Sorry I haven't been posting. I had to move and it's been quite hectic. Just got the internet turned back on today, so I will start posting again tomorrow. I have a few more movies to update and I can't wait to post them. :)

Red

Red is another one of Jack Ketchum's novels that got turned into a film. And what a film it was. I read the novel first, so I knew what to expect. However, the film made me feel emotions the book couldn't, and that's what made the film so much the better. Red is about an old man and his dog. Simple enough, right? Well, not quite. Brian Cox plays Avery, the old man. One day, Avery is out fishing with his dog and these three teenage boys come along with a shotgun and begin chatting with Avery. One of them decides to try and rob him, but when he offers them his truck and wallet with $20-$30, the boy gets mad and shoots Avery's dog. Avery goes to the boy's father, who believes his son over the old man, which, in turn, pisses the old man off. Unable to take legal action against the boys, he decides to get his own revenge. I enjoyed every second of this film. It's simple, yet satisfying. A truely awesome story of revenge. Robert Englund also has a bit part in this, and he's an asshole, too. Watching this film, I felt happiness, sadness, anger, and a few other emotions. A really well-done film. Would recommend this one to all fans of horror.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door

Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door can be described as a very bad car accident: you want to look away, but you just can't seem to keep your eyes off of it. Unrelenting, horrific, violent, disturbing, brutal, upsetting, heartbreaking, and intriguing are just some of the adjectives I can use to describe this film. It's based on Jack's novel by the same name. It's also based loosely on the story of the Sylvia Likens; a kind of fictionalized version of it(for the real events, watch An American Crime). The Girl Next Door is about a young girl named Meg who has a crippled sister named Jenny. Their parents die and they're shipped off to live with "Aunt" Ruth. The boy who lives next door is friends with Ruth's three sons. At first, everything seems perfect and everyone gets along. However, Ruth decides she needs to teach Meg a lesson on how it is to be a woman in the 1960's. She tells Meg that she's a slut and a whore and is only good for one thing. When Meg attempts to rebel against her "lesson," the abuse begins. As the movie progresses, the abuse becomes full-blown torture and even the neighborhood children get involved. Some of the scenes depicted are awful and hard to watch, but like I said before, you can't turn away. This movie horrified and fascinated me at the same time and I almost felt dirty and ashamed for liking it. The ending, of course, made me bawl, and the police officer(s) pissed me off so bad that I wanted them to suffer along with Ruth and her asshole children. If you have a weak constituton or can't handle watching fictionalized child abuse, I'd advise you not to watch this. Just typing this now and thinking about the movie makes me want to cry again, that's how heartbreaking it was. It did leave a lasting impression, though, and is probably one of Jack's best films/novels to date(besides Red, of course). See this one if you think you can handle it. Acting is superb, direction is superb, and writing is superb. You have been warned.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.

Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever is, as far as I can tell, Eli Roth's first film. This film is what put him on the horror movie map. I absolutely LOVED this film. It's so sick and disgusting and disturbing and creepy all at the same time. Cabin Fever is about some kids going off for a vacation in the woods. They stay at this cabin in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees. There's some drug usage, some sex, typical stuff like that. However, when a sick old man shows up and begins coughing blood, they start to panic. They don't even bother to try and help him or find out how what he has and if it's contagious. Once he's "gone," the kids seem to relax again. But they're troubles are only beginning. One by one, they start to get infected, red patches showing up on their skin. Once this movie gets going, it doesn't let up, even at the end. There are quite a few cringe-worthy moments, especially the bathtub scene. That freaks me out every time. And the scene with the dog near the end is pretty nifty, too. Anyway, if you like sick, gory horror, give this movie a go. I enjoyed it and I'd give it 5 out of 5. Definitely a must-see movie for gore hounds.

Happy Nightmares, my loves.